Not a Trekkie, But

I am, admittedly, a dork of a certain variety. I don’t really know how I would classify the sort of dork that I am, but what I do know, is that I’ve never identified as a “Trekkie“. I did, sporadically, watch reruns of the original T.V. series, Star Trek, growing up. My dad really liked it and he really was the only reason I ever watched it. He took me to see The Wrath of Khan at the Kit Carson Drive-In theater in Taos, New Mexico in 1982. It wasn’t really my thing, but I didn’t really care, because it was an evening with my dad.

My dad was big into sci-fi. He introduced me to OMNI magazine when I was young. I don’t exactly remember what I loved about it so much, but I do remember really liking the sci-fi pictures. I would try to draw pictures like the ones I saw in OMNI magazine.

I also remember my dad introducing me to another magazine, not intentionally I’m certain, but he didn’t really hide his Playboys very well. This is completely off the point, but I thought you might find it humorous.

The intention of this blog was to write about something I learned recently. As, you may or may not know, Lenard Nimoy passed away last week. As I mentioned before, I never identified as a Trekkie, so Nimoy’s passing has not had the same affect on me as it has had on some die hard Star Trek fans. I’ve read a few touching sentiments on Facebook and on the web. I hold no judgement what so ever. I understand how some things, movies or people can be very influential for some and not at all for others. I’m sure not everyone will be as affected as I will be when Jessica Lange makes her transition. It seems kinda weird to be writing so casually about lives ending and this was not really the point either.

So what is the point, Angel? C’mon! You’re loosing us here. Get to the point already.

OK. OK. What I intended to write about was, I had no idea the Vulcan salute was invented by Lenard Nimoy. He got the idea from a jewish benediction he saw as a child. The “V” shaped hand gesture represents the hebrew letter shin, which stands for shalom. Shalom denotes peace and perfection. In the Vulcan community the hand gesture was often accompanied by the spoken blessing, “Live Long and Prosper” and I believe that is the perfect ending to this Apozitude blog.

Live Long and Prosper.

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Clicker Training Myself into a Happier Life

With far less effort than I ever thought possible I am tweaking my life experience. I am more and more aware of my emotional guidance system. I have been noticing when I feel negative emotion, I am more often aware it’s simply an indicator that I have allowed myself to become disconnected from my true self, the source energy version of myself.

It is my intention to practice reconnecting myself with source energy when I notice negative emotion. With practice and gentle tuning I intend to live a simple and joyously full life beginning this very minute.

I intend to be patient with myself, accepting of slips, encouraging refocus and tending to myself as if I were a little puppy learning how to live in a new house with new boundaries and rules. Focusing on progress not perfection.

Oh My, We are so Grateful

Oh my Lord! I don’t know what happened, but some big bad wolf of a icky sick bug attacked Keri and I bright and early Friday morning. It was awful!!!! We woke up feeling achy, exhausted and our lungs ached when we would take a deep breath. There were shooting pains through our bodies and we felt like we had been hit by a truck. It was the strangest thing that it hit us both so suddenly and with such force.

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He was trying to be a chocolate lab. :)

We, basically, slept all day and all night. The only thing we actually managed to do was to get out and take Marbles, our 4.5 month old golden retriever, to the bus that takes him to his doggie day camp heaven in Vernonia, OR, Run! Day Camp for Dogs. We have never been more grateful for such an amazing service. There was NO WAY! We had less than zero energy to manage the energy of our puppy that day.

When we got back out to pick him up from the bus stop, Jamie, from Run! delivered us exactly what we needed, an exhausted clean puppy. He slept all the way home, all evening AND ALL night. It was perfect. These mommies are so grateful. Thank you, Run!

We also managed to send out some text messages to cancel previously arranged commitments, such as work for Keri and for me, my visit with my best friend, Shanna and watching her/my little goodnesses do their ballet. We also cancelled all social activities for the weekend.

We had no idea what had seemingly snuck into our house in the middle of the night and poisoned us, but it hit us hard and fast. Shanna was so sweet when I sent her the text letting her know I wasn’t going to be able to make it to ballet. She offered to bring us the yummy healing power of pho. I warned her that she probably didn’t want to expose herself to whatever this big bad wolf of an icky sick bug we had and she clarified that she would leave it at the front door.20150301-174909-64149146.jpg

Her offer and follow through was a true blessing because neither of us had an ounce of energy to prepare anything for us to eat. We did eat a couple poached eggs for an 11am breakfast, which is practically unheard of around here. Our usual routine has us eating breakfast around 6am. The only other thing either of us ate the rest of the day was the pho that Shanna left for us on our door step. Thank you, Shanna!

I am happy to report that Saturday morning found us to be feeling much better, not 100%, but I personally don’t feel like a walking dead person today. Wow! Whatever that was, I don’t want it any more ever again. The pho, however, was delicious. In fact, I ate the other half of mine for breakfast.

OUCH!!! That Really Hurt

The end of my 8th grade year was happy and painful. I stood with my classmates in the chapel of my school for our 8th grade graduation. I started Kindergarten at St. John’s Episcopal school in 1975. In 1984, I stood in the chapel I attended all the school days of my life, roasting in my white dress as the memories flooded my mind.

I was distracted and feeling anxious because #1- I could feel every fiber of that itchy dress rubbing against my freshly sun burnt skin and #2 – I really wanted my dad to be there.

The graduation party was the day before at a friends house. She had a pool and we swam and played in the pool all day. It was super fun, until I realized how sun burnt I was. OUCH!

My dad lived in Taos, New Mexico and he promised he was going to be there. I stood on the pulpit with my class mates, totally distracted from what Father Luttrell was talking about by my own thoughts and scanning the pews for my dad.

He was not there and I could feel my 14 year old heart sink in my chest.

But WAIT!!! My eyes widened as I spotted him walking in the back doors of the chapel. It was about half way through the graduation, but he showed! I was so happy to see him I think I cried.

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This may not seem disheveled to you now, but jeans were not allowed in my school. All the other dad’s were wearing dress pants and ties, some even in suits.

The next few days brought some of the hardest decisions I ever faced in my short little life.
You see my dad did make it to my graduation and the way he managed to make it happen was he hitch hiked from Taos, New Mexico all the way to Oklahoma City. Yes, he walked straight into my graduation right off the highways.

A pretty tremendous expression of love and dedication to his little girl I would say as an adult looking back on it. Yes, I was happy to see him, but this was a big event in my life and for him to show up so disheveled from his days of hitch hiking was so embarrassing. My 14 year old self was consumed with what everyone else thought, I was filled with conflict.

Right away he expressed how much he really wanted me to go back to Taos with him for a summer visit. My stomach was in knots. I wondered how he planned to get me there and he clarified that he had made arrangements with some dude to give us a ride.

#1- I didn’t really want to go back with him because he had remarried and previous visits were kinda awful. His new wife had two little girls (one in diapers and the older one was maybe 4) who I was responsible for watching while they went to work. He didn’t plan any time for just the two of us. He was not the “fun summer dad” I had heard other kids talk about of their divorced parents. I understand now that he had a family to care for and taking additional time off was not really in his budget, but at the time it was not what I wanted to do. #2 – I certainly did not feel comfortable riding hundreds of miles with “some dude” to get to a place I didn’t really want to go to anyway.

I was crying and talking to my Grandma about it and she encouraged me to tell him the truth. So, I did and he was upset. He decided not to wait around for the dude he made arrangements with a few days away. He was going to hitch hike back. I felt horrible. I felt responsible. My older cousin said, “Well, we can at least take you as far as the Oklahoma border”.

So, the three of us loaded up in my cousins truck and headed west on I-40. Approximately 130 miles later, we pulled off to the shoulder and let him out. It broke my heart and still makes me cry to think about it.

I was happy to see my dad arrive and it was painful to watch him walk away.

This event definitely made an impression on me and ultimately affected my parenting style. I did everything in my power to instill the believe in my son that he was not responsible for my feelings.

Beginnings of a Creed

Apozitude is the blog of one person, the reason I clarify this fact is because I looked up the term blog to be certain I knew what I was clarifying. dictionary.com defines blog as a website containing a writer’s or group of writer’s own experiences, observations, opinions, etc. So, I wanted to clarify that this particular blog and all of it’s contents are not written by a group. It is written by me, Angel Zamudio, based on my own experiences, observations and opinions.

Further down the page in dictionary.com the British definition of a blog reads: (informal) online journal and the Contemporary definition reads: an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on the web.

When I got together with my mentor and blog guru, Mike, to get Apozitude started he asked me all sorts of questions about how I wanted the blog to be set up. One of the main things I wanted was for the blog to be public, so anyone could read it and share it with others.

My intention with Apozitude has always been to focus on the events of my life and share how I believe having a positive attitude will directly result in having a positive affect on the outcome of my life situations. I have a lifetime of desire to have a positive affect on the people that cross my path. I’m not always very smooth or graceful, because my child like enthusiasm often triggers me to jump into action prior to giving a great deal of thought as to how my action will be received. I get so enthusiastic about positive events I sometimes awkwardly insert myself into situations that don’t really have room for me. I’m learning.

Another main thing I wanted for my blog was to have a comments section, so my readers can share their thoughts on any given blog. I appreciate all the feedback I’ve received and continue to welcome others thoughts feelings and perspectives.

The design of the Apozitude logo was created and hand drawn by me with the thought in mind that when we focus our thoughts in a positive direction it will lift our hearts to a higher level of love.

I’m sharing this with you because this is my attempt to start an Apozitude creed. Stay tuned as I continue the process of formulating the final creed and as always feedback is welcomed and encouraged.

I’m Grateful for my Planner

Yeah, so one morning this week end Keri came home from a trip to the vet with Marbles to get his last puppy shot and suddenly says, “Ya’ know once this guy reaches sexual maturity we’re going to have to keep a very close watch on him.” I kinda laughed, partly because I was in my own little world with my writing and partially because of the level of seriousness in which she stated it.

After I chuckled, she looked at me like What? and asked, “Why’s that so funny? No off leash areas without a fence because he could get a whiff of a girl dog and take off running” I guess it struck me as funny because of how random it seemed to me and I have to admit I’m a bit of a child and she did say, “sexual”. Yes! I am that (third grader mentality) adult in every meeting you’ve ever attended.

Keri takes training Marbles very seriously and I do too because I know it’s important. I understand he’s in a very impressionable stage of his life, but from my perspective she is pretty consumed with it and she knows how she gets, so entrenched in it that it sometimes feels like that’s the only thing we talk about.

One time this weekend she suddenly said, “Oh, I have a good idea” and I was totally expecting some new tactic of handling some challenge we’ve been having with Marbles (which by the way have been very few and probably because she has been so diligent with his training) But she said, “Now that Marbles will be going to daycare we can workout on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. We can also try to squeeze one in on the weekend”

I smiled and shook my head. I chuckled a little to myself. She said, “I guess since you laughed, you don’t want to work out?” and with a smile on my face, I said, “No, I wanna work out. I just was totally expecting some “training Marbles” idea to pop out of your mouth”.

Just in case you don’t know Keri, let me tell you a little something about her. She’s a planner. It seems I’ve even written a blog about that very thing and titled it, Confirmed! She’s a Planner.

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The 70’s are Calling

This morning while eating breakfast, Keri and I were listening to R&B Classics on Music Choice via Comcast TV. We were eating the yummy scramble Keri had made and lightly monitoring Marbles as his focus was on his chew treat.

All of a sudden the 70’s came wafting into the middle of our living room on a stream of silky smooth notes floating out of the string section of the intro to Barry White’s, Love’s Theme. Soon the rhythmic wah-wah of the guitar moved me to announce how much I love this song.

20150222-142914-52154782.jpgI told Keri, “If ever there was a movie made of my life, this song would be on the sound track.” Here’s the scene: No Dialogue. A white 75′ Camaro on a long stretch of high way just as the sun is setting. Picture my mom in the driver’s seat with her gold framed rose colored glasses and her Crystal Gayle hair do. Me? I’m sportin’ my Little Orphan Annie white girl fro my big tortoiseshell framed glasses and Love’s Theme is soulfully surrounding us as we drive down the highway. A gentle wind blows through our hair as we gently sway to the music. With out a word we look at each other and smile. My mom gives me that, “I love you baby girl” wink and we are having an awesome weekend.

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It was such an awesome memory I had to call my mom and tell her. I played the song for her and she remembered it too. She was pleased to hear I had such fond memories of my youth. She knew we had some hard times and was grateful I was able to recall the good times we shared.

Balance is Key

Sometimes I wonder about myself. I am not sure why I am the way that I am, but what I notice about myself, often, when I am interacting with people is that I am not a details person. I don’t, usually, ask a bunch of questions and when details are discussed I find that I don’t really absorb fine details. In fact, I find myself feeling merely tolerant when ornate descriptions are being shared.

It makes me wonder if I am a bad listener or a bad friend. I don’t feel like I am a bad friend or a bad listener, but I do find myself wondering that very thing about myself from time to time. I like to think that I am a good listener and am mindful of my focus when someone is conversing with me. I tend to focus more on a general feeling, rather than details.

I believe I’m not focused on some details because general well being is more of a priority to me. I’m not judging people for being focused on details and I’m certainly not claiming to be perfectly clear and focused. I definitely have my wavering moments, hours and days even. I do believe it’s very important to be focused on details in some circumstances, when the circumstances are positive and creating good feelings. I am trying to allow details of unwanted things float out of my awareness. I’m just wondering if my lack of attention to details when listening to others is perceived as lack of concern or care, because that certainly is not my intention.

Just as I was writing that last sentence, a quiet little divine voice whispered in my ear, It’s none of your business what other people think about you. That feels like complete freedom, to erase concern from our being about what other people think of us.

The challenge is balance.

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Uptown Funk

What a totally amazing song! The simple solid bass of this song gives me cold chills all over. I crank this song up to the max every time I hear it. I can hardly stand to listen to it when I am writing because it moves me so much. Much more dancing than writing. Need a new song to continue writing.

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