Understanging Goes a LONG Way

     I learned something about myself this last week. It’s always fun to learn a little bit more about myself. Actually, the thing I learned about myself, I already knew, but what happened was I came to a new level of understanding. I believe understanding provides a sense of calm and peace. 

     I took a personality test at work and discovered of the four personality styles: driver, analyzer, influencer and stabilizer, I am primarily,… anyone want to guess??? Well, since I don’t actually have super human powers and can’t hear your guess, I’ll just assume you’re right. I’m primarily an influencer and my secondary style is stabilizer.

     It totally makes sense, don’t you think? Here is a break down of each personality type. I’m sharing it here because I believe awareness is a HUGE piece of personal break throughs. Check it out. See what you think might apply to you and those in your inner circle. Perhaps a little understanding of others will provide you with a sense of calm and peace.   

 

   

Here are my results.

Free to Choose

     It’s an amazing time to be alive and I’ll tell you why. There was a time in my life when I felt small and I felt like I was all alone. I was lost, confused and hurting. I got so tired of feeling so insignificant that I decided to make a change. I decided to step out of what I thought was a safe place, a place of security. Like I said, I was confused, because I thought living the life “I was supposed to live” would provide safety and security, but that facade came with a price tag I wasn’t willing pay any longer. 

     The safety of living a straight life married to a man, safe from the judgement of society was costing me my true path, my happiness and denying myself the one and only thing I really have, ME. Don’t get me wrong the decision was very difficult and I didn’t do it all on my own. I asked for help and it took me a while to truly break free, but I am here today to tell you that there is nothing better than living your life on your true path.

     Free of obligation. Free of guilt. Free of burden. Free of pain. I made a choice to improve my life and I just kept making that decision to improve my situation until now I live a life where my days are filled with blessings and miracles. I see happiness. I see beauty. I see love. I see acceptance. I make a choice and you can too.   

 

Where to Draw the Line

     Sometimes, acceptance is expressed by speaking out against ignorance in hopes of making a change.

     Sometimes, acceptance is silently observing something in which you disagree and allowing it to be. 
     Only you can decide where to draw the line between being an advocate and simply BE-ing. My advice trust your moral compass.   
 

Grateful for Allies

     There have been some huge leaps in societal growth in the last couple weeks. Same sex marriage became legal in all 50 of the Untied States of America. WOW!!! Caitlyn Jenner received the Espy Award of Courage. WOW!!!

     As these bits of news came out (no pun intended) and I had the luxury of being able to observe how people responded via social media, I noticed the majority of people were supportive. Which shouldn’t be surprising to me since I’ve been reading in the news and seeing signs all around that acceptance of GLBT people is on the rise, however I did find myself feeling overwhelmed with joy to see just how many people were advocating for equality. 
  

    There’s no doubt we have miles to go yet before we are able to drop the clarifying prefix “same-sex” relating to marriage, but the fact that marriage equality for all is now federally recognized in the U.S. is a huge step. Caitlyn Jenner being acknowledged for her courage by ESPN? That’s amazing to me. I’m so over joyed to hear the respect for her growing by leaps and bounds. Every time she’s acknowledged for the woman she has always been, but has felt she’s had to keep a secret, acceptance grows.

     If you’ve never experienced the feelings associated with being a minority, I’m sure it’s very difficult to imagine how amazing it feels to be recognized and as an equal, but I am here to tell you it is life affirming. 

     Seeing my straight friends taking stands and speaking out against ignorance is so heartwarming and very much appreciated. Perhaps there’s an inkling of hope living inside me that believes the possibility exists that in my lifetime the idea of being GLBT is a choice will shrivel up and die. 

     To all of those who choose to stand up and shine a light on ignorance when you could sit in silence, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It’s so comforting to know we are all in this together.   

 

The Joy of Adult Children

     Our son, Garrison, is here visiting for several weeks. I have to say I have always enjoyed his company, but this time around it’s different. Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m enjoying his company this time as well, but the thing that’s different is he is more present. I never felt like he hung around us out of a sense of obligation, but there was a sense of restlessness in the past. Like he was just waiting for the right amount of time spent, so he would feel comfortable running off with his friends, which I totally understood and never faulted him or made him feel guilty. 

     That is what is different this time. He’s around more and seems interested in hanging out with us. He’s actively participating in conversation and offering up information without us having to question him. It’s really rather enjoyable.Thank you for willingly sharing yourself with us Garrison. We love you.      

 

Zippy Skills

     You know that feeling when you’re in the very beginning phases of learning something new? You’ve just become aware of new possibilities. You’re excited and eager to absorb new information because you’re ready for change. You want it to soak in as fast as it can. 

     The thing to remember in any growing phase is to take it easy. A couple of scenarios come to mind, like math, but I don’t really like math so let’s use juggling instead. Juggling sounds WAY more fun anyway and it’s easier to visualize. 
     You just took your first step into the first day of clown school. You’ve got your list of classes and the first one is juggling. Oh Boy!!! This is exciting!!! Now, do you think on that first day of class, Zippy, your instructor is going to roll into class on a unicycle juggling bowling pins and shooting fire out of his mouth and then ask you to replicate that performance TODAY?
     Probably not, but I bet Zippy would pass out some small bean bags. Then you’d probably learn how to properly toss and catch one bean bag and once you got the rhythm down you’d add bean bags one at a time. Once you got that down you’d change up the items to juggle. This would take time and lots of practice. 
     You’d be instructed to relax and breathe. Stay focused and be easy on yourself when you make mistakes. Keep practicing and focus on the joy of learning. See, math would not have worked for me in this scenario. LOL. Although, I am very excited and happy to report that my petty cash has been adding up perfectly for more than a month now. YAY!!!!!
     Let’s quietly make a vow to ourselves to be patient with ourselves. Let’s vow to be loving to ourselves and I am willing to bet when we practice love and patience of ourselves we will see more things in the world to appreciate. We’ll be so happy we will feel like we’re riding a unicycle down the street juggling and smiling.     

            

They say, “It’s your birthday”

     You know those people in your life that bring a smile to your face when a simple thought of them flashes through your mind? When you’re with them your heart sings. I don’t know if its just me or if other people feel this too, but sometimes I just want to hold them and squeeze them. I feel like I could eat them up. Nom Nom Nom Sometimes I tell Keri as I am hugging her tight, “I just want to be IN your skin”. I’m so very lucky to have such love in my life and not just in my relationship with my wife. There are so many layers of love in my life, I couldn’t possible write about ALL of the love in one blog, therefore I’m dedicating this blog to Taylor Marie Brittsan, because today is her birthday.

     Oh My Goodness!!!! Taylor is turning 3! TODAY!!! Happy Happy Birthday Tay Tay!

     This little gem is such a character and brings so much joy to all who know her. I LOVE that she has her own bold way of living life. She’s quite funny, actually hilarious and most certainly adorable. Tender, sweet and very loving.

     Taylor’s nick name, Jakey, affectionately given to her from when she was a baby and wouldn’t sleep through the night, Wide Awake Jake! Jakey, my wish for you is that you will always feel the love and joy you’ve given everyone in your life reflected back to you. 

     You’re a bright shiny light in my life. Happy Birthday my little Goodness!!     

        

Zero Power

     Have you ever noticed how given the right amount of time and perspective, many things that were super annoying at one point become really quite funny.   

     For instance, I used to get really annoyed by people who misunderstood me. My former husband provided me with a tremendous amount of training in this particular area. My focus as a mother was to provide my son with a solid foundation based on building his strengths and being available for guidance in situations where he may need it. My goal as a parent was to foster a sense of confidence in my son that would allow him to grow up and be a positive contributing member of society. 

      When he was young and would get a coloring page and a cup of crayons at restaurants, many times he would pour out the crayons and take inventory. “I got 3 reds, 2 yellows and 1 blue. I need a green, an orange, a purple, a black and a brown.” I would encourage him to go to the hostess table and request the colors he wanted. Often he didn’t want to do it. I simply shrugged my shoulders and inquired of him, “How are you going to get what you want if you’re not even willing to ask?”
      He would be thinking while he began to color, pouting a bit. You know that feeling as a mother?You know when they are contemplating? A little bit into his coloring I would ask him, “Do you want me to go with you?” and he did. He also wanted me to do the asking. I shook my head and presented a counter offer. “I’ll go with you and I’ll stand right beside you, but you have to ask for what it is that you want.” 
      He did it! He is fantastic at asking for what he wants. He’s an amazing man, that son of mine. I’m very proud of him.
     To reflect upon the emotional torture I allowed his father to put me through brings me such a sense of satisfaction, knowing it served it’s purpose. I know who I am and I know my intentions. I am a pillar of strength and love. This pillar will not shake in the presents of doubt. 
     I will always remember the day I realized his opinion of me had zero power. The things he said to me that used to light me up with fury, suddenly became humous. I just had to laugh and from that day forward I was a transformed person. I am grateful for what I know.    

                 

Apozitude Love Bombs

     My favorite thing about being alive is feeling love. I love giving love and receiving love. There are so many different ways to express love. In fact there was a book written about the 5 different languages of love and to be quite honest there probably have been millions of books written about love. I really liked the 5 Languages of Love book because it provided clarity into understanding different styles of expressing love.  

     This blog isn’t really about a book promo though, so if you’re interested in the 5 Languages of Love, I’m sure it’s available at your local book store or library. This blog is, surprisingly, to most I’m certain, about ME. See? The very next paragraph begins with “My”,…

     My hope is, that sharing things about myself, my perspective and my experiences will infuse the world, little by little and one person at a time with Apozitude. What is Apozitude other than the title of this blog? 

     Apozitude essentially is a positive attitude. It’s an idea of surrounding myself with people who are ready and willing to allow growth and expansion into their lives. I don’t just mean physically surrounding myself with open people, although I do really like the sound of that, but more than that. More like of a dotting the planet with little Apozitude Love bombs. When an Apozitude Love bomb explodes it covers all the innocent bystanders with a little dusting of love allowing their eyes to open to the true intentions of those around them, creating more acceptance of each other, more confidence and self love, more true connection thus expanding love to create a better world.

     There is plenty of love for everyone. There is plenty of beauty for everyone. I encourage you to give it away. Say loving things, hear loving words and be a loving person. It feels so good.