Monthly Archives: December 2013

What was my point???

All that we let in, by the Indigo Girls is a very soothing song to me. I don’t always get all the political references, because I don’t follow politics per se. It is a little bit scary for me to admit that because it seems that most people feel we should be paying close attention to what is going on in the world. I am more concerned with what is going on in me. I can only change the world one person at a time and that one person is me.

I just went to CCN.com to reference some political stuff that I don’t really know about to prove a point about the news and politics and how it makes me feel and true to form, the point of this blog has totally changed as I was writing.

I will, hopefully, get back to the original point, but I think it’s important to follow the flow of energy. I was going to write about how the only control I have is of myself, but that is not even the very original thought when I led in with the Indigo Girls song, but like I said before, hopefully I will get back to that original thought.

20131229-152205.jpgMy daily goal is to feel good, to be happy and to feel love. In the past, I have found that listening to or reading the news hasn’t really served my daily goal. So, I went to the damn CNN to gather supporting information and much to my surprise found a story about a Boy Scout leader in Utah. This man took his son, a Boy Scout, down to bear witness of marriage and arrived to find hundreds of people, gay people, waiting in long lines to get married because of the awesome action that the Judge Robert J. Shelby took to strike down the law that denies same sex couples the right to be married. What an amazing thing to be surprised by. The courthouse clerks worked through their lunches to get as many couples married as they could and the Boy Scout leader went down to the closest pizza place and brought back 10 pizzas to feed the employees and the gay couples that had been waiting for so long to get married.

And I’ll be damned if it don’t admit, reading that particular news story did make me feel good. I got cold chills running up and down my arms and legs. So, it seems rather than proving my point that reading the news doesn’t serve my daily goal to feel good, instead I was able to prove my original point, that we ARE better off for all that we let in. Wow! I am all over the place.

Inspiration is everywhere.

To judge or share, which is it?

What’s the difference between passing judgement and sharing my opinion? Excellent question my friend! I don’t really know the answer to that question, that is why I am asking. Let’s look into it a little bit.

I just googled “pass judgement” and the free dictionary online defined it as forming a critical opinion. Personally, the word critical has a negative connotation. So, I guess if you are sharing an opinion that is critical of another then it crosses the line of being judgmental. Just for shits and giggles I requested a definition for critical, because I was wondering if it could be a positive thing. When I looked a little further into the definition I found it also means having decisive or crucial importance in the success or failure of something. That sounds like a positive thing, because I choose to focus on the positive and I hear success. This triggers a memory for me about working in a dental lab. I’ll write more on that later, because I really want to continue investigating the difference between passing judgment and sharing my opinion.

After reading several articles and quotes on sharing my opinion it seems far less important to differentiate between sharing an opinion and being judgmental. It seems to be of a much greater importance to focus on allowing others to be. It must be true because I keep finding myself standing right I front of the same realization time after time.

Passing judgment on others does not make me feel better and sharing my opinion,…well, what the hell difference does it make? I have my opinion and you have yours. Does sharing my opinion with you change your opinion? Maybe,…sometimes, but really only if you are open to it. There really is no sense in arguing, unless one of us is open to and willing to change. I am open to having a conversation, but I don’t want to argue. For the sake of this blog and my original question, I believe I have come to the conclusion that sharing an opinion can be beneficial as long as both parties are open to a conversation and passing judgment depends on the intention of the person passing the judgment. Is it well intended? Is it of crucial importance in aiding to the success of an endeavor of another? Is the other person open to hearing? Are you willing to share in an effort to help someone out? Are you open to them not giving a shit about your opinion? Are you open to the idea that they might love your idea, but aren’t willing to do anything to improve their behavior?

If you find your self feeling negative feelings while observing something that you are not willing to work out and want to LET GO of the negative feelings, simply start now.

Let it go and start now.

Grappling? Let it go.

Have you ever been holding on to an idea or a possibility in your mind that just kept replaying over and over that didn’t really make you feel very good? A “what if” situation,… I don’t like to “what if” negative situations. It feels much better to me to think about “what if” situations that make me feel good. What if Apozitude gets selected to become a published book, what if my Apozitude book goes to the New York best sellers list, what if the interest in Apozitude generates an interest in the children’s story that I wrote, there are so many fun things to what if.

To be real honest with you though, I don’t just “what if” these things, I actually walk through scenarios in my mind. I get a letter in the mail inviting me to start the process of turning this blog into a book, I sit in a publishers office and discuss the details, I mention my children’s story and the potential for a series, I go to book signings. In my mind it is already happening!!!! It is very exciting!

However, if you aren’t in the habit of placing yourself in positive “what if” situations, it can seem a little simple minded and silly, but I don’t really care how it seems, ya know? It makes me feel good and that is important to me. So, I do it.

I’m not saying that I don’t struggle with worry or fear and that my life is always happy sunshine and rainbows. No, I’m not. I grapple with my own set of hang ups, but I don’t let it ruin my whole day. I may have to ponder it for a bit, let it go and get happy and then pick it up again and ponder it some more, but I do always end on happy.

So, I have my tricks and my tools at the ready for quick access. One of these tricks about letting go of something that keeps coming up and keeps you tethered to a negative feeling is to actually write it down on piece of paper. Put all of the energy that you have in your body and in your mind about that negative feeling or situation into the writing or just mentally onto that piece of paper, which ever feels more powerful. It can get ugly sometimes, but just mentally vomit it all up and put it on the paper. It’s ok to get emotional, it can be part of the process. Then once you have it all on the piece of paper, pick it up and wad it into a ball and hold it in the palm of your hand. Take a deep breath and look at that wad of paper in your open hand and know that there is no wrong way to to this. You can do it as many times as you need to, but look at that piece of paper with all that negative energy balled up into a piece of trash sitting there in the palm of your hand, then turn your hand over and let it go. It feels so good to let all of that energy go, you might be tempted to pick it up and do it again.

Like I said before there is no wrong way to do this, so if you want to pick up all that negativity again just to feel the joy of letting it go, go for it! Nobody is watching and this is your process. There is no judgement here. Please remember though, you could enjoy the moment of peace you just created for yourself. Something else will come along that will provide another opportunity to practice this exercise and you just got happy, so let’s end on happy. Whadaya’ say?

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She doesn’t want sushi

Relationships can be challenging. Why is it so challenging sometimes? Well because no matter how much you love someone, you don’t share the same ideas and concepts about every single thing. Therefore, when one of you truly values something and it doesn’t really matter to the other person, conflict develops. I really love Japanese food and Keri, not so much. This is a pretty simple example, but you can see how a conflict might arise if every time we set out to go eat somewhere and Keri said where do you want to eat and I always said sushi. She would get frustrated because she doesn’t want to eat sushi.20131222-172019.jpg

So, we compromise, but there are way more challenging subjects, such as how we relate to others outside of our relationship. Keri might view something one way and I have a totally different view. So, dealing with that subject creates a conflict and it may not really matter to Keri, but it does matter to me and Keri saying, it doesn’t really matter, feels like she doesn’t care about what is important to me. But I know that is not the case, what really is going on is she simply chose a way of wording something that wasn’t really what she intended, but I wanted to clarify what she really intended because it matters to me how she relates to the other relationship because it ultimately could affect our relationship. It was way more simple than that for her, but that is part of being in a relationship, navigating social situations, working out differences, coming to agreeable terms of operation, how we share the responsibilities of the household, working together to get through this crazy thing we call life and with a smile on each of our faces. It is important to be able to discuss things, even uncomfortable things, otherwise how can we work together towards a shared loving happiness?

Of mice and…

In Seattle, walking from the Elysian brewery on our way to a bookstore, I stepped out into the street and I looked down for sure footing and that is when I saw a dead mouse. Mice are so cute,…when they’re alive. Cute little bundle of fur with their pink noses and oil spots for eyes. My heart sank as I said aloud to Keri, Oh is that a dead mouse? I could see his tail. I leaned in for a closer look.

Why? Why did I lean in for a closer look? I don’t know! I just did. As my eyes refocused from the lean in, I realized I was not grieving for a cute little mouse.

OH MY GOD!!!! Is that a USED tampon?

WHY? Why is there a used tampon in the middle of the street? How did that get there? What the hell is going on? That was not a mouse’s tail!!!

Emerald city my ass!!!!

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7 second delay

Have you ever known someone with a condition called “no 7 second delay”? If you are not familiar with this condition, let me share a little story with you. I’d like to raise awareness on this, not so rare, but not well known, condition.

Keri and I went with a friend to the apple store over the weekend and we were talking about laptops, iPads, and Apple TV. Our friend was explaining how easy it was to get the Apple TV up and running. He explained the only challenge might be knowing what HDMI port to use on the back of our TV and Keri responds, “Angel is pretty good with that kind of thing, believe it or not”. Our friend and I looked at her in a little bit of shock. I believe my reactions were warranted. I responded with a finger gesture accompanied with the actual words, “Well, fuck you” and a big’ol jokey smile.

We all had a pretty good laugh about it and we were teasing Keri quite a bit. We were saying things like, she ain’t good for much, but she’s pretty good at wiring, she’s so dumb, she can’t even get out of her own way. It got pretty deep and convoluted. We quickly fabricated a hillbilly couple named, Hank and Tricia (short for Patricia Sue). Tricia don’t even have the sense in come in out of a hail storm, but she is a wiz with them fancy Christmas lights. It was hilarious.

See, if Keri were equipped with a 7 second delay, she might have thought twice about the way she was trying to say, Angel is so artsy and creative, it is surprising that she is technically inclined. Which is what my sweet loving wife was intending to say, but without the benefit of the 7 second delay she just popped out a kinda rude sounding put down.

Luckily, I know her well and I am used to her missing the 7 second delay, but one could see how it could be harmful to a relationship and that is why I am writing this blog, to raise awareness. Even 7 second delay deprived people need love and understanding. They can’t help it that they were born with out this crucial coping skill. Spread the word and the love.

Happiness is worth the risk

A relationship is the state of being connected to another. I have found that the concept of a relationship is starkly different for some than it is for me. I actually know people that are in relationships with people that they claim to loathe. I just can not imagine living my life with someone that I didn’t love and in fact, kinda hated. It is so sad. I have been in a relationship or two that really really sucked. It was not fun at all!!!! Life is too short to live “comfortably miserable”. I want to be happy. I want to have fun. I want to enjoy my life. I only have one. This is it!!!! I feel like I am getting to a place in my life where I don’t want to do anything that I don’t want to do.

I think it has something to do with the concept of living aware. I am not sure how I came by this concept, it seems I have always been driven to make improvements in my personal life and in my self. I remember someone once commented to me in my early twenties how surprised they were at my willingness to turn over every rock in an effort to find something better for myself. I am in no way shape or form making a statement of superiority, at least it doesn’t feel that way to me, although I can understand how it could be perceived as such. I just want to be happy and I have committed to myself to continue on this journey of being true to me and my ever changing ways.

I love growing and GUWG-Alivefeeling ALIVE!!!!!

It has definitely been a work in progress. I am constantly reading self help books and books about communication and understanding other people in their motives. I have a great deal of growth ahead of me, but I do feel like I am growing. It seems like I am always saying I am truer to myself now than I used to be, but it is always true. I wonder if there is ever a point when one is truly self actualized? Maybe in the spiritual realm,….

Anyway, regarding relationships, even with yourself, be honest about what you want and DO NOT SETTLE! Life is for living, loving and laughing. It is all there for you to have. All you have to do is reach for something that feels better, hold on to that feeling of better and attract more of the better feeling things and grow, grow, grow, and just keep on growing!!! It feels amazing to live, love and laugh!

Happiness is worth the risk!

Two tarts

Keri and I went to Two Tarts bakery a couple weekends ago and I started to write about something funny that happened and it turned into something else, but I didn’t want to miss out on sharing the original story, so here it is.

So, as I mentioned before they give you 13 cookies when you order a dozen (I think that is awesome) and we had picked out the ones we wanted and it was time for them to ask if we wanted a ribbon tied around the box. Before the cookie clerk could even utter the words, I asked what other colors of ribbon were available. They precut a bunch off one spool and have it handy, right by the cookie case. Not to say that the ribbon that was available was ugly, in fact I really liked it, I just wanted to know what the options were.

The cookie clerk was over by the ribbon holding out some options and I concluded that the pretty pink one that was precut was perfect. I said thank you, but this one here is just fine, in fact, pink is my favorite color.

The clerk gave me a quick once over and said, I wouldn’t have guessed that, because you’re not wearing ANY pink. I reached in my pocket and showed her my pink phone case, See? She replied, yes, I guess if you’re willing to commit to a pink phone case, you must like pink. I said, Yeah, I’m going through a transition.

She paused awkwardly and said, Oh,…I see.

Keri quickly chimed in, Yeah, she used to be a dude!

We just busted out laughing!!! The cookie clerk said, Well I have known quite a few people in transition that are way prettier than me. I quickly corrected Keri with a smile and said, No, I’m just transitioning into being more girlie. Cookie clerk laughed along with us. It was funny.

Bueller’s Pink Breakfast Candles

A funny thing I am learning as I get older is that I have always been sitting at the table with the cool kids, which is pretty damn cool for a big’ol dork like me. Another funny thing that I am realizing is that the kids at that other table that always seemed to be the cool kids, they are dorks too.

I used to always tell my son as he was going through school, Don’t worry son, everybody is weird to somebody. Which is true and how could it ever be any different, because we are all raised by different people with different ideas, so anything other than what you were raised with is going to seem weird. Therefore, everybody is weird to somebody.

I used to say, I embrace my inner dork, but for a long time now I’ve been touting the concept of letting your freak flag fly. I love my dorky self and I feel like being my true dorky self makes me pretty damn cool. I love all my dorky friends.20131201-121045.jpg

This feels very John Hughes, doesn’t it?