Sometimes we find ourselves in a place in our lives when we are looking at what is going on and we slow down long enough to really look at what is going on and we have to ask ourselves, What’s in it for me?
We can tolerate toxic relationships for a long time for the sake of a relationship or for the sake of the precieved good and then one day we lift our heads up from the grind stone of dealing with life and it’s circumstances and that question comes up again, What’s in it for me?
If you find yourself asking yourself this question of a fairly regular basis, my advice would be to develope an exit plan. Don’t over think it, count to 3 and do it!
Ok, so here’s the deal. In a challenging situation when you feel stuck and you’re trying to make a decision, you have got to decide what’s the greater good.
The greater good most often is to make improvements that benefit everyone involved.
How do improvements come?
Changes have to be made. It is imperative to deal with whatever is the cause of the situation and not just the symptoms the situation is causing. It’s is not just a matter of putting out fires, it’s a matter of finding the fucker that has all the damned matches!!!
Determine what is causing the symptoms.
Ask yourself if you are willing to take matters into your own hands. Are you willing to take the risks necessary to resolve the situation? Are you comfortable making large improvements and taking credit for making decisions? Are you better today than you were yesterday? Are you happy? What’s in it for you?
HOWEVER, you can not make improvements on your own in some situations, therefore, you have got to get a 100% by in by everyone involved. So, if you don’t have a 100% buy in by all involved, what then?
Just about every time I talk to someone about my blog, I get the same question. What is Apozitude about? I usually say something along the lines of it being about my life experiences and how having a positive attitude affects me and my life, but recently I gave this explanation to someone and she asked in return, “Is that really all it’s about?” She continued, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve read your blog and it seems to me it’s not just about having a positive attitude, but more about being helpful” I’ve been giving that idea some thought and I’d have to agree. I don’t always have a positive message, but it is my intention to be helpful.
I have a strong desire to be helpful and that is a big contributing factor as to why I write this blog. I was thinking about this concept of being helpful today and it occurred to me that I really do not care how my loved ones receive life changing messages. I simply want them to be exposed to the types of messages that create paradigm shifts in their lives. I want them to feel like they have choices and that they have the power to make decisions. I want them to feel comfortable about making mistakes. I want them to feel the awesomeness of taking risks and feeling success. I want my loved ones to feel love. I want them to know a sense of peace that passes the realm of understanding and I am not attached to the way they receive these messages, meaning it doesn’t have to come from me.
The thing about wanting all those things for the people that I love is that I can not want it bad enough for them to receive it. They have to want it, and they have to want it enough to seek it out for themselves. All I can do is want it bad enough to seek it out for myself. I want to be happy. I want to be in a good mood. I want to have a peaceful mind. And guess what! I am happy. I am in a good mood and I do have a peaceful mind.
Whenever you are ready to attain it, it shall be yours as well.
It really does NOT matter what life brings into your experience. The only thing that matters is how you choose to deal with what is placed in front of you. The right attitude can change a situation from seeming quite grim into a situation that provides complete freedom. It all depends on your attitude and perspective.
Notice, I did not say a positive attitude. You might expect the author of Apozitude to say a positive attitude can make the difference and though that is true for me, that doesn’t necessarily mean that is the truth for everyone. It is important to understand what is right for you.
What might be right for me may not be right for you.
A positive attitude for me, can change a gloomy atmosphere into a miniature dance party, even if there is no music what-so-ever and even if I am the only one dancing.
You do what is right for you and I’ll do what’s right for me.
It is truly amazing how reality shifts when you change your mind.
Simple living. Grateful, so grateful for what I have.
Is that a candy corn tattoo on your elbow? I get this question every now and again and it is one of my favorite questions, because the answer is, yes. I have a single candy corn tattooed on each of my elbows. I must really like candy corns, right? No, actually I don’t. I’m not a big fan of the sweets and I don’t even remember the last time I ate one.
So, why do I have a candy corn tattooed on each of my elbows? Well, what I usually say is, because I’m just that corny, but I always follow-up with the real reason. The real reason is because candy corns were one of my grandma’s favorite candy’s.
My grandma passed away September 16, 2009 and having her favorite candy tattooed on my elbows keeps her memory alive. I am a real big fan of my grandma and energy never dies. Every time someone asks me about the tats I get to share a little bit about my grandma and that puts a smile on my face and a bit of warmth in my heart.
Sitting in my writing chair today and trying to get to a place of still mind enough to begin writing. I’ve got my head phones on and I am so busy scanning my brain for a point of positive focus that I could not even hear the words streaming into my ears. It took me about 2 and a half minutes to slow my thoughts long enough to realize that Kool and the Gang was on and were singing directly into my ears these exact words: Cherish the love we have, We should cherish the life we live. Cherish the love. Cherish the life.
Search no more. Right?
It is all very simple. Cherish the love. Cherish the life. You get to decide what that means for you.
The definition of will- the inherent mental power by which a person decides on and initiates action.
The definition of grace- a controled, polite and pleasant way of behaving.
Do you remember that tv show? Will and Grace? I always loved that show. It was funny and one of the first sitcoms to feature two gay men as main characters. It was the first tv series to feature gay characters that ended up in the “must see tv” line up. I haven’t really thought about that show for quite some time, but I just started reading Falling into Grace by Adyashanti and yeserday, after I had read a little bit of the book I decided to lay down and rest. I wanted the words I was reading to really sink into my consciousness.
There I was, in the still and quiet, and the words will and grace came to me.
I never really thought about will and grace in this way before, but there it was right there in my consciousness. Some things you can’t unsee and now my minds eye is aware that by utilizing my will, I can live my life with grace.
will- the inherent mental power by which a person decides on and initiates action
grace- a controled, polite and pleasant way of behaving
Communication is a funny thing. Funny because one string of words could be presented to let’s just say three or four different people and every one of those people could and probably would receive very different messages. I guess that’s one of the reasons why they say that actions speak louder than words. That doesn’t always apply though because there are situations where there are no actions to take.
I was at work the other day and I can’t remember the exact situation, but someone said, “Things don’t always come across the way you intend.” You can be very well intended and put a great deal of thought into a message, but once you release your message out into the world you have no control over how it will be received.
We can make attempts to clarify our intentions, when we are misunderstood. However, sometimes it seems we are not able to get a clear message across, in that case, all we can do is hold on to the knowing we have within ourselves that we were well intended and let go.