I wrote a blog a couple of weeks ago about how to create more space in your life for happiness. It began with a series of questions: Have you ever felt not quite yourself? Squirmed with discomfort in your own skin during a conversation or a particular situation? Had a strong emotional reaction to something someone else said or did?
I clarified that you don’t have to answer because we’ve all had these feelings and reactions. We’re all human and all come equipped with emotions and most of the time we allow ourselves to get entangled and imprisoned by these emotions and mix ups of misunderstanding. I know it’s uncomfortable, I’ve been there many times. My intention with that blog and with all my blogs really is to raise awareness. What I’ve come to know with absolute certainty is this,
The circumstances of our lives exist because we allow them to exist.
With this knowledge, as always you have choices. You could; choose to get pissed off and cast blame which will likely result in staying stuck OR you could choose to take an honest look at yourself and accept responsibility for your part and get to the business of moving on.
Not too long ago, I was in a situation that felt like I was stuck with zero power. I couldn’t change the behavior of others, I was continually stressed out and upset and I didn’t feel like I had the power to make the changes that needed to be made. I notified a person in authority of the needed changes and he chose to get pissed off and blame others. The writing was on the wall and I knew what was going to happen because this wasn’t an isolated incidence – nothing was going to change and I’d remain stuck in that stressful and upsetting situation UNLESS,… I accepted responsibility for my part. So, I made a choice and I took myself out of the situation.
It was exhilarating to finally feel free of that overwhelming stress. Even during this time of exhilarating freedom, I experienced dips in my enthusiasm that felt in close proximity to fear. I wondered if I had made the right choice, but I knew in my heart it was right because of how happy I felt. For the moments when taking that leap of faith got scary, I kept reminding myself that fear and faith don’t live in the same house. I’d look at myself in the mirror each day and asked myself, “Do you have faith that you made the right decision?” and I’d say, “Yes” and then I’d say, “Ok, then everything is going to be ok, because faith will lead you to your happiness. Faith and fear don’t live in the same house. ANY time fear knocks on your door and even if it gets through the door, kindly remind your unwanted guest, ‘You’re not welcome here because this is a house where faith lives!’ ” It made me feel so much better. Yeah, I know it sounds a little bit crazy, having out loud conversations with myself, but it really helped me remain calm and certain of myself. Certainty of self is definitely a feeling worthy of such a risk.
When you feel frustrated with a situation, it means you’re focused on the problem and you feel powerless and because you’re so focused on the problem, you can’t even see a solution. It’s like listening to a radio station that plays music you don’t like and just complaining about it. What I’m telling you is, you can take action and make a change.
There are multiple levels of making change, it doesn’t have to be ending the relationship or leaving the whole situation like in my case above, but I assure you the way to gain power in your life is to take a deep breath and then take a few more deep breaths. Take as many deep breaths as you need to feel your emotions subside, so you can step back from the feelings of the problem and evaluate the problem from a fact based position.
A couple of weeks ago when wrapped up to make my closing point, my advice was to focus on a solution and even if the solution you come to places you in a position of approaching someone who you felt had caused you discomfort, if you approached them with the intention of understanding their perspective and intention, with a clear mind and an open heart, you may very well be surprised to find the whole thing was a big misunderstanding. I clarified that I thought it was always a misunderstanding. Then I asked, Are you poised enough to guide the situation towards a solution? I believe with desire, determination and practice, you’ll gain the poise needed to guide any willing participants towards a viable solution.
The point I want to clarify now is one very important word, willing, because believe me when I say, if you’re working with someone who has no desire to take a look at themselves and make needed changes, you might as well hang up your hat and call it quits, because HOLY CAT!!! the unwilling, in my experience, are a stubborn and miserable bunch of folks. Personally, I run with the willing. Only you can decide what’s best for you.
© 2017 Angel Zamudio